What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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