dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
