oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
