I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
