My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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