JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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