You just made me feel so damn special
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
