2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
try to milk me bitch
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