there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
