It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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