It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
