Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
