Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
