Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
