Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
