she woke up with a sticky ear
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
