birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
