She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
