Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
