apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
