i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize