Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
