The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
