For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
