bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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