Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
