I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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