So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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