Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
