wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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