I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
