Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize