wanna go halves on a baby?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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