Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
