you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
