the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
