she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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