Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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