I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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