don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
