THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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