no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
