Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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