Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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