Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
