it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
