sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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