the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my poor anus
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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