i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
