apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize