I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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