pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
