How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
