Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
