I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
