I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ok first of all what the fuck
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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