***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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