so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
its not stalking. its research.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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