I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize