A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
