Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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