Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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