Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You were trust falling into bushes
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
