LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
