guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
