she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
