Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
