She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
