you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
