: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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